Guilty Pleasures

In the late 80s I developed a habit of listening to talk radio in the morning. A girl I was seeing was a fan of Howard Stern and I started listening to his programs. Many times I was shocked and upset by his vitriol, but most often it was juvenile or bathroom humor that made me simultaneously squirm and snicker.

In the mid 90s I graduated to NPR's morning radio. Although they didn't interview women the morning after first lesbian experiences, NPR titillated, angered and outraged me as much as the hairy fella in New York.

I still listen to NPR, rotating in the morning between Chicago and DeKalb stations. Generally they run the same programming before 9 a.m. but their signal strength in the suburbs varies for a random number of reasons.

The past two weeks it has been tough to listen to NPR. Every other story is about New Orleans or Hurricane Katrina. Memories of the people and places that I saw during my time in the Gulf have been overwhelming. I've found myself feeling guilty at only doing a little, at abandoning the people down there. I've found myself crying at stories of people who barely made it and having nightmares about the people who didn't. For the first time since Christmas the awful smell of river bottom mixed with sewage and dead things has returned to me when they report on the thick mud found in most homes weeks after the storm. When they talk about the president flying over the damaged area a year later, I recall the anger and frustration of people whenever a helicopter flew past us.

So it's been an amazingly difficult two weeks. I confess that I'm glad that today is the last day of anniversary stories. There may be a few others in the next few days but we've got a midterm election coming. Republicans aren't going to let the media dwell on tragedy much longer, especially when the president's approval rating for handling the hurricanes is actually lower now than in those pathetic days after the storm. Heck, in a couple of weeks, we've got a five-year anniversary of another tragic government failure. The news reports of what happened can't last much longer.

I feel both pleasure and guilt that the anniversary has arrived. I hope the dreams at night recede soon too.